Use Defensiveness as a Path to Deeper Intimacy

It is natural to become defensive when we perceive we are being attacked, and it is true that defensiveness can escalate anger, impede the flow of communication, and prevent understanding of the communication dynamic between a couple. It is generally accepted that too much defensiveness can kill a relationship. In order to contain defensiveness so that it doesn’t prevent communication, it helps to understand it. If a couple can understand their defensiveness: when it happens, what it means, understanding where it comes from, and ultimately sharing the conclusions of their personal inquiries, it can lead to deeper emotional intimacy and a decrease in defensiveness in further communication.

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Shea Kamlet, Psy.D.
Licensed Psychologist, Marriage Counselor
6087 S. Quebec Street Suite 103
Centennial , CO , 80112
(303) 355-5602

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